


born to be yours

by happilyy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fix-It, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), peggy knocks some sense into steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 16:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18663955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyy/pseuds/happilyy
Summary: Bucky’s tight-lipped smile lasted for the breath of a second. Steve was never good at lying to him, and he saw it in the furrow of his brows.He wasn’t coming back.And wasn’t that the kicker? Steve had lost Bucky countless times over the course of their lives. Getting shipped off to war. The train. Free falling into the Potomac. Cryostasis in Wakanda. The snap. Steve knew what it was like to lose Bucky.Bucky had never lost Steve.-Or: Where Bucky loses Steve. And then gets him back.





	born to be yours

**Author's Note:**

> hello! as i'm sure you're all aware, a lot of people absolutely hated steve's ending in endgame (me included). this fic is my self-indulgent version of a fix it fic. because that mess was absolutely ooc and shit all over his character development.
> 
> it was never stated when the ending takes place after the final battle, so i'm choosing to believe this is about a week after tony's funeral.
> 
> this isn't beta read & i haven't written fic in upwards of two years, so please be kind to my rusty writing. every mistake is my own.
> 
> enjoy!

The only thing Bucky was aware of at that moment was the roaring in his ears. And the way his hands shook where he had them crammed deep into his pockets. And how he was on the cusp of losing one of the last things he cherished in this world that seemed to hate him. 

He could see it in Steve’s eyes, could feel it in the way that Steve didn’t linger during their hug. Steve always lingered when he hugged Bucky, even at the end of the world. 

“Gonna miss you buddy.” 

The words scraped painfully out of Bucky’s throat, barely there. It was like his body knew that speaking loudly would require far too much effort. 

Steve gazed back at him. ‘It’s gonna be okay, Buck.”

Bucky’s tight-lipped smile lasted for the breath of a second. Steve was never good at lying to him, and he could see it in the furrow of his brows. 

He wasn’t coming back.

And wasn’t that the kicker? Steve had lost Bucky countless times over the course of their lives. Getting shipped off to war. The train. Free falling into the Potomac. Cryostasis in Wakanda. The snap. Steve knew what it was like to lose Bucky.

Bucky had never lost Steve. Sure, he’d come close to it a multitude of times throughout their childhood. But nothing like Steve had went through. Not until this moment.

He found that he didn’t particularly enjoy the weight settling into his stomach, the panicked fluttering that his heart was picking up. 

Bucky could distantly hear Banner explaining how long it would be to Sam, hear the machine gearing up to send Steve somewhere he would never come back from. Somewhere that Bucky would never see him again. How the hell had Steve ever gotten over this feeling? To him, it felt like he was free falling through the Alps again, an inevitable ending rushing up to meet him in the blink of an eye.

For a second, Bucky almost wished he was back there, lying injured in the snow at the bottom of the mountain. At least the freezing temperatures had numbed the immeasurable pain coursing through his body as he drifted in and out of consciousness. It would be better than watching the love of his life and best friend voluntarily walk away from him. 

“Three, two, one…”

Before Bucky was even aware of it, he jerked one step forward, throwing his hands out.

“Wait!”

Banner’s head snapped to the side, confusion flying across his face.

Steve’s brows furrowed again. “Bucky, what-“

Bucky took a shaky breath. If this was the only chance he got, it had to count for something. “You can’t go. Please, just, don’t go.” He knew that for once his emotions had to be written all over his face. He didn’t give a damn.

Steve turned to look back at Banner and Sam before he slowly set Mjolnir down. “Buck, what are you talking about?” He spoke slowly as he inched down the steps to the machine’s platform. Bucky’s heart rate slowed with every step closer.

“I just can’t help the feeling that I won’t ever see you again,” he breathed out, the words coming far too honestly. “I’ll be alone again.”

Steve was in front of him now, eyes flitting all over his face. He had to have only been standing there a second, even though it felt like years to Bucky.

His honey colored hair was shining in the sunlight, the bags under his eyes still present days later. Bucky had seen Steve drained before, but nothing compared to the hardened look that was on his face. Like he was trying to convince himself that what he was about to do was okay.

And god, but Bucky loved him. Even through the panicked feeling that hadn’t yet dissipated from his chest, and the way his hands trembled. He loved every stupid inch of him.

“I have to return the stones…” Steve trailed off.

Without realizing, Bucky leaned his forehead against Steve’s. He heard Steve’s surprised intake of breath. Bucky had stepped over the invisible line that had always been present throughout their friendship. One that he was sure Steve was aware of, but had never crossed.

They stood in silence, just leaning against each other. At some point, Bucky’s hands came up, trying to grip the suit. 

And then Steve started to pull away.

“Steve, please.” There was the panic, edging its way back into Bucky’s voice as Steve stepped back and turned as if he was going to walk back up onto the platform. Bucky felt the control he had over the situation slipping through his fingers like the sand in an hourglass.

Steve flashed a quick smile as he picked Mjolnir back up. “Five seconds,” he said, obviously trying to put some reassurance behind the words. “I promise.”

Before Bucky could even process or use the chance to protest everything happening in front of him, Banner had started the machine back up and Steve was gone. 

The forest was quiet for a breath before Banner started counting down again. 

Bucky felt the numbness spreading through his fingers, the tears gathering in his eyes. He was vaguely aware of Sam standing behind him, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. It was the funeral all over again, except Bucky had just lost the most important person in his life. Steve was gone, and Bucky knew he wasn’t coming back. 

But still, he hoped. He hoped that when Banner reached “one” that Steve would prove him wrong. That he would reappear with a satisfied smile on his face and the knowledge that they were about to begin the rest of their lives, finally together. 

Of course, when did Bucky ever get what he truly wanted?

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know, he blew right by his time stamp! He should be here.”

He turned away, the tears finally starting to stream down his face. He couldn’t bear to look at the empty platform, the representation of everything he had just lost. 

He stumbled towards the bench that he had noticed earlier, tears clouding his vision as Sam’s voice grew increasingly frantic behind him. 

Bucky was never so uncontrolled with his emotions, usually preferring to bottle them up in front of others. Steve was the only one he allowed himself to be so carless in front of. But Steve was gone. 

Bucky sat there for what felt like years, but in reality was probably a handful of minutes before Sam slowly made his way toward him. He held his breath as the other man lowered himself to sit closely next to him. Bucky appreciated the silent act of comfort.

“You knew.”

It was a statement. There was no sign of accusation in Sam’s voice, only acceptance. Bucky didn’t think he had the ability to respond at the moment, so he slowly nodded as he dropped his gaze down to the leaves at his feet. 

Another breath. “How?” Bucky looked up at the crack in his voice, surprised to see Sam on the verge of tears as well. “How could he just…”

Bucky laughed humorously. “His heart was always with her.” He stated it as a matter of fact, as if it was as true as the sky being blue and the grass being green. Because to him, it was. Steve had always and would always be in love with Peggy. Bucky was his best friend and nothing more. And that should have been enough.

Of course, Bucky had always suspected that maybe, Steve had the ability to feel the same way, that the ever constant and unspoken tension between them would eventually blossom into something real. When the world no longer needed saving, they would have time.

Bucky was naïve to think that would come true.

“Bullshit,” Sam growled out, a surprising amount of anger in his voice. “Barnes, don’t be stupid. You had to have known.”

Bucky was confused. “What, that I wasn’t enough? That I never was going to be enough?” He didn’t mean to raise his voice. If anything, his anger wasn’t directed at Sam. 

Surprisingly, Sam started laughing. He laughed and laughed. He continued laughing for so long that Bucky considered getting up and walking away, unable to deal with everything. When Sam realized that Bucky wasn’t playing along, he sobered up quickly. The look he gave him was weighted and sad. 

“You didn’t,” he murmured. “How could you not know you were the most important thing to him?”

The breath caught in Bucky’s throat, ached to be let out. He curled his legs up on the bench, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face in his knees and hair. “Then why is he gone?”

He felt the tears returning with hisface hiding from the world. Sam sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder again, but didn’t try to murmur words of comfort. For that, Bucky was grateful. 

Suddenly, the words burned to get out, begging to just be let out into the open. He lifted his head and stared back at Sam. “You know, I really thought this would be our chance,” he said, his voice stronger than it had been since before Steve got on that platform for the first time. “I thought… the world couldn’t possibly get worse than it had been. Thanos was gone, Hydra was gone.” He paused briefly. “Maybe it was finally our time. Our time to figure out this new world together, with no big bads just waiting for a chance to end us.”

The image of Wakanda had been a frequent one. Memories of the times Steve stole a few days away to visit Bucky before everything went to shit. His happiness was always a tangible thing he pictured in his mind, fields stretched out before his eyes. Steve sitting in the grass, surrounded by his goats. Steve’s booming laugh as the Wakandan children hung all over him, and the constant aching feeling easing for days at a time when Steve was there. He had dared to hope he would get more of those days in the future. 

He continued to think about all the possibilities his imagination had dared to hope for after the day when Thanos turned to dust and the planet had welcomed back upwards of 3.5 billion souls.

They were all he had now.

-

Bucky didn’t know exactly how long Sam and him sat on that bench. By the time he looked up from his knees, the sun had almost completely set. Banner was gone, and Sam slowly began to stand up. 

The other man held out a hand, a sad smile twisting onto his face. “Come on.” 

Bucky knew he couldn’t sit out there forever, staring hopelessly at the horizon. He gripped Sam’s hand and shakily stood from the bench, not daring to turn and see the platform of the machine.

Until.

Until there was a sudden whirring, a flash of lights, and the sound of someone gasping for air.

Bucky whirled around. There, impossibly, was Steve. He was bent down on one knee panting for air, as if he had just ran a marathon. 

“Steve!”

Bucky was up and on the platform in a second flat. He collapsed to the ground, his knees hitting the hard surface in front of the other man. 

“Buck,” Steve croaked out, his voice wrecked. “Bucky.”

Bucky choked out a sob. His hands shook again as he brought them to Steve’s face. He had to touch, had to feel to make sure he was real and wasn’t some sick hallucination coming to haunt him further.

“Steve, Steve, Stevie, you’re here,” he cried, sure he looked like an absolute fool. “You were gone, you just disappeared.” And Bucky couldn’t help but feel like maybe this was what the surviving ones had felt. Watching everyone you loved disappearing right before your eyes and knowing they wouldn’t be back. 

Steve gave a watery laugh before he reeled Bucky into a hug. The air was stolen from his lungs. That hug. That was the hug he was supposed to get, with Steve burying his face in his shoulder, and Bucky turning his nose into his hair. Their hands gripped everywhere they could reach, not an inch of space between their bodies.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Steve chanted unsteadily. Bucky noticed he was shaking. “I’m here now, Buck. I’m here now.” It was almost as if Steve was trying to convince himself of the statement. That if he said the words enough that would make them true.

Bucky was bewildered. Their roles seemed to have completely reversed: Steve was now the one on the edge of falling apart while Bucky tried to make sense of it all. 

“What happened?” were the only words Bucky found himself able to muster at that moment. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to shout and be angry about. 

Those could wait.

Bucky was vaguely aware of Sam standing off to the side, subtly giving them their moment. But he could see the look of palpable relief present in his features. Bucky was reminded that he wasn’t the only one who had almost lost somebody important. 

“I returned the stones,” Steve started, not showing any sign of letting go of Bucky. “Everything went perfectly. But then…” He took a deep breath. “But then I thought, maybe I could stop. Just stop fighting and start that future I had dreamed about for so long.” 

Bucky’s chest ached.

That future was supposed to be with me he wanted to shout. I’ve been waiting for years.

“I saw her,” Steve croaked. “She was just as beautiful as I remembered.”

Bucky wants to tell Steve to stop talking. The words won’t come out.

Steve pulls away and looks at the setting sun on the horizon. “I got my dance, Buck. I finally had that chance.”

“I’m glad, buddy,” Bucky whispered. And he was, he really truly was, even if it hurt like a bitch. Bucky only ever wanted Steve to be happy. Even if that meant it wasn’t with him in the way that he desperately hoped for. 

Steve laughed wetly. “It was everything I had dreamed about.” He paused before turning to gaze at Bucky. His eyes were filled with an emotion that Bucky wouldn’t dare to hope for. “But it wasn’t right.”

Bucky’s heart stopped and then started pounding into over drive. There was no way that Steve couldn’t hear it with how close he was.

“What?”

“Peggy and I talked for hours. I explained how I had gotten there, how I had been pulled from the ice all those years ago.” Steve laughed then, his hand coming down to squeeze Bucky’s. “She didn’t want to know much about the world, only that I was happy.”

Bucky didn’t dare to breathe. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her about you. Sam, Natasha,” pain flashed across his face at her name, “the rest of the Avengers. Imagine how surprised I was when she pushed me away.”

Bucky couldn’t imagine a scenario in which Peggy would voluntarily push Steve away after believing he was dead for years. 

“She called me a dumb fool. Said I was being stupid, that she couldn’t believe I would just up and leave you.” Bucky silently agreed with her, and he could see Sam nodding along off to the side. “And she was right.”

At this, Steve suddenly looked overwhelmingly guilty; his gaze fell to their clasped hands. “I kept telling myself that the ache in my chest was because I had missed her for so long, and not because I was leaving you behind.”

Bucky involuntarily let out a whine at Steve’s words. The other man’s face crumbled. “God, Buck, I’m so sorry.”

Bucky couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had to say it before it tore him apart. “Why did you leave us?”

Steve seemed shaken at the words, like he had finally come to terms with the decision he almost made. “Because I thought a life with her was what I wanted.” Steve took a shaky breath before he continued. “Should have known I was still just as dumb as the man that lied on his enlistment form,” he said. “I loved her. I still love her. I thought that would be enough. But she had time to move on, to accept my death. And I finally got the closure I so desperately craved.”

At that, Steve slowly stumbled to his feet, holding his hand out to Bucky as he spoke. “I think I subconsciously realized a while ago that I needed to stop living in the past. That you were the one I was supposed to spend my future with.” Steve grasped his hand and gently pulled him to his feet. “I just needed someone to tell me to pull my head out of my ass.” He laughs again. “Didn’t take me to long to start panicking about getting back here. Getting back to you.”

Bucky laughed at the words, finally starting to feel like he had his emotions in check. ‘Took you long enough, punk.”

Steve’s eyes glistened. He still hadn’t pulled away from Bucky.

“I’m sorry I ever thought I could live in a world where I didn’t have you.”

Bucky didn’t tell him that it was okay. He knew they had a long list of issues they needed to hash out if this was going to work. But that could wait.

“Come here,” he whispered before gently tugging Steve forward. 

There weren’t any fireworks when their lips finally slotted together. It wasn’t like the explosive moment Bucky had always imagined whenever he let himself dwell in the possibilities left between the two of them. Instead, the feeling of contentment slowly spread throughout Bucky’s chest, until it was all he could feel as Steve’s lips moved with his.

Steve kissed Bucky for a few moments longer. When they finally broke apart, Steve buried his face in Bucky’s hair as the other man finally collapsed into his arms, like his strings had been cut. 

“I love you,” Steve whispered in his ear. “Till the end of the line.”

Bucky chuckled, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder. He thought about all the stuff they should talk about. All the things that Sam was probably waiting to say to Steve, and everything the world needed to start moving on. 

Bucky smiled. All of that stuff could wait. “Till the end of the line.”

They had time now.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been a fan of stevebucky for almost four years now, and i'm glad i finally plucked up the courage to take a shot at writing them.
> 
> this fic didn't originally turn out how i had planned, but i like where it ended up. i wanted bucky and steve to get their happy ending but didn't want bucky to suddenly forgive steve for everything. they love each other and know they have to work through their issues, and i hope that came across well.
> 
> also, i know that if it took a few hours for steve to appear again, more time should have gone by in his new timeline. but frankly, the time travel confuses the shit out of me, and if the russos are allowed to make their own wacky rules, i can bend them how i see fit.
> 
> thank you for reading! you can follow me over at srgntbuck on twitter


End file.
